Last night, I woke up at 3am thinking about a thing that still hunting me : Living with my parents at my age!
After my year in Canada, I have to go back to France (at my parents’ home) and try to find a job (in order to support myself), which is very stressful for me. Which brings me to wonder about the « normal » age you have to stay at home.
I have read articles on the subject and I have seen how the media call people who stay with their parents after their 25th birthday or who are back in the fold and I found it very hurtful! The first, we call them « Tanguy« , like the film, and the second are called « Boomerangs » because they come back just like the toy.
I do not really know which category I belong to now. Before leaving for Canada I lived with my parents. I had apartments for me but not more than a year and my address was always that of my parents. And now, having lived at home alone I will have to go back to my parents time to find a job and a home (which will take a lot of time I think).
The thing is that « normally » I’m supposed to stay with my parents just enough time to have enough money to have a small apartment, but I’ve planned something else. I have some projects that are waiting for me to come back and to carry them out I have to work but also have enough time to realize them. The thing that makes me feel bad is that these projects, which are really important to me and which, I know, will become my life, will take a minimum of 3 to 5 years. Which will take me to a critical age to stay with my parents.
The company would like me to find a job full time and have a flat of 20m2 and especially to « do as I can » to create my future, by juggling with all that and all ALONE.
However my practical sense screams to me that I risk to make everything mess by wanting to do like « everybody« .
It is true that it would help me so much to stay with my parents for several reasons so obvious:
- Not be alone
I have never lived alone. During my studies I had either a dog with me or friends who lived right next door 😁 But when I came to Canada, it was no longer possible for me to live with someone because here you always come across people who are big case of studies!!! The roommate comes down to staying in your room and not encroaching on the lives of others. Personally I was looking for something based on sharing and understanding, which I never found. So, I took accommodation for myself and I enjoyed doing everything I wanted but I hated not being able to talk or watch TV with my mother. To share!
- Pep Up
It’s always good to spend time with people we love when we have just had a shitty day or are living a difficult time. It changes the ideas of discussing everything & nothing and it can even help to see more clearly.
- Take care of each other
The worst thing for me when I ended up in Canada was when I was sick. Being 6000km from home nobody could come to help me. Honestly, who has never liked having to eat in bed when you have a fever. Just eating when you’re sick 😂 I found myself bedridden unable to get up and eat. How do you want to heal if you do not eat ?! I really missed having no one come to see me to give me some water or a little soup!
And it goes both ways! When my mother is sick, I bring her food and I help her with daily tasks. Like that when she’s better she has nothing to do! Because, let’s be honest, men do not have the ability to take care of another human being 😆
Comfort of the big house
Finally, how could I barter a house with a dozen rooms and a huge garden against a 20m2 with a rent that would take me half of my pay ?! In addition, I can save money for, just buy a good place where I feel at home and I can also take my time to find this pearl.
I know that for many it is difficult to understand these reasons (which are for me) obvious, and that they will certainly never succeed, because it is simply not « healthy » and that at my age I must be independent and get out of my COCOON.
On that I want to answer:
I came out of my cocoon to go to the other end of the Earth, which taught me to know what I really wanted and it also made me feel good to be away from people who only judge my facts and actions BUT honestly I have never felt so much alone and unhappy. In addition, my biological clock does not work at all so I do not really have an « deadline » and love level I’m far from ready for that so I do not need my home to cover my personal life.
From there you will tell me that I am selfish because I do not think about the life of my parents, they too have the right to have their own life but there too they have no problem because they are at home and invite who they want and do what they have to do. We have mutual respect.
In addition, after doing some research on this topic (I feel so much like a weird beast that I needed to reassure myself) I saw that parents were happier to keep their children with them than see from home and be unhappy.
I am the perfect shot of the babygirl to her parents! I am an only child and loved by my parents and my grandmother. I have been brooded throughout my life, which has not been a good thing for my blossoming but has been to learn the importance that the family has in his life. I was raised by a strict father where I had no right to the error and by a loving mother always putting myself between my father and me.
I have always been aware of how lucky I was and what I still have! And I started from the premise that it was not because everyone had not been so lucky that I had to deny it!
Many people (of all ages) judged me as Tanguy because I had a good balance in my life despite living with my parents and making it clear to me.
I started this article by asking myself what was wrong with me and that I was still going to face the criticism of EVERYONE because at my age I did not have to live with dad / mom anymore but of the article, I realize that once again it is always the same people who judge and make you feel bad when you finally feel in your place and happy (s). These are and always will be THE OTHERS! These jealous people who are trying to fuck you down because all of them have never been lucky enough to have the choice to live what they’ve always wanted to do, like you do!
So yes, I’m going to spend the ¾ of my life at my parents’ home but it’s the only place in the world where I can fight to get the life I want and in turn give someone to live what he always wanted to live.
And I would like to add to all those who are over 30 and who live with their parents, whether you are « Tanguy » or « Boomerang » that there is nothing wrong with that! You have your own reasons (precariousness, education, dreams, helping your parents, not feeling alone or anything else) and they are all good. If nobody understands is that they are stupid and not interesting because they do not see what drives you and therefore do not know you and judge you and believe me a person who judges you is not a friend!
Do not waste time with that! Concentrate on your goal(s) and be happy !!!